Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
