do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
