You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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