Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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