I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
