I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
