dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
