theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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