This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
