i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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