I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
