i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
