no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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