I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Man, jail baloney is awful.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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