he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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