I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
