Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
