D3 body, D1 cock
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
