It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
