I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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