I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
