Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
