I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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