I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
