Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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