i think i have herpe
just one?
she smelled like a LAN party
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
