i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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