I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
