Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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