You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
