margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
