1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
