Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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