I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A bitchslap is in order.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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