i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
