4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
your thong is hanging out like whoa
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
