So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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