Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
