Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
