My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
