I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
