I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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