you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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