lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
