Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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