Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
