Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
