No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
