I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
