Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
