Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
